Learning Not to Give Advice
One of the quieter but more challenging aspects of counselling training is learning not to give advice.
5/1/20261 min read
Advice is often well-intentioned. It can feel caring, practical, and reassuring - especially when someone is struggling. Outside of a therapeutic context, it’s how many of us try to be helpful. Inside counselling training, however, it becomes something to examine rather than rely on.
What I’m learning is that advice can quickly shift the focus away from the person in front of you and towards your own ideas about what might help. Even when it’s offered gently, it carries assumptions: that you understand the situation fully, that a particular action is the right one, or that change needs to happen now.
Resisting that impulse isn’t about withholding care or being passive. It’s about recognising that understanding someone’s experience takes time, and that meaning isn’t something to be imposed from the outside. Staying curious, rather than directive, requires patience and a willingness to tolerate uncertainty.
This is where boundaries come into the work in a less obvious way. Not giving advice isn’t just a technical rule; it’s a way of respecting another person’s autonomy. It keeps responsibility where it belongs and prevents the relationship from sliding into something closer to fixing or rescuing.
As a trainee, learning this happens slowly. It shows up in moments of noticing the urge to respond quickly, and choosing instead to stay with what’s being said. It’s not always comfortable, but it feels essential to the kind of practice counselling training is preparing me for.
This reflection isn’t about reaching a conclusion or setting out a position. It’s simply an observation from where I am now: that learning when not to act can be just as important as learning what to do.
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